Permanent Assignment
by RabidYaoiFanboy
Summary: It sarted with the mud. It ended with a Permanent Assignment. One-Shot with hints at ZxC RxR and blatant TxS. i blame it on my brain.
1. Chapter 1

"Why the FUCK is it always fucking mud?"

"Can't say, partner. Maybe it's just your charming personality?"

Reno Sinclair glared death and destruction up at his current mission partner. Now don't take this the wrong way, Rude was a great guy, but damned sarcastic. And the fact that he was sprawled ass end up in a large pit of mud waaaaaay out on the north edge of Junon, only made him want to take those fucking designer sunglasses and break then into lots if itty-bitsy pieces and shove 'em somewhere uncomfortable.

"I hate you."

"Good to know."

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' (Reno's POV now)

Two words a Turk both loved and loathed. "Permanent Assignment." this could be one of three things. Either A) you fucked up hardcorely and are now on desk duty for the rest of your natural life, B) you impressed someone enough to be made a bodyguard for an executive, or C) you're assigned a partner who you have to practically marry.

So when Tseng said those words to me and the big bald one, I was sorta apprehensive. I knew my mouth got me out of most babysitting missions, so that waas out. I was barely litereate, just enough to get by (thank you, druggie mom) and I was standing next to the one Turk who I had yet to piss off enough to tell me to fuck off.

The only thing I could think was 'oh shit I'm gonna die.' and I was STILL covered in fucking mud. At least my skin was nice and clear now….fuck, who was I kidding. This wouldn't be a permanent assignment, this would be hell.

"You two will be on Permanent Assignment. Reno, Rude, your things have been moved to apartment Fourteen, floor eighty-three. " and the hammer fell. But Tseng is God, and what he says…just goes.

"Fuck me sideways 'till I cry. Or shoot me. Either works."

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' (Rude's turn)

Obnoxious. Loud. Bright. Inescapable. Fuck.

That was Reno in a nutshell. And now I was sharing a roof with him, a room with him, and a job with him. I could say I'd had it coming, but I'm not getting into that one. And when Reno said this, after Tsengs little speech, I couldn't help the small smirk.

I would like to, sure. I'd made no real secret of my desire for other males…just no open secret either. I guess you could say I stuck to silence more often than not, dealing with Reno. So I did what I do best. I stood there, listened, and decided on my plan of action. I may not be as good a strategist as Reno or Elena, but I'm very good at carrying through on plans.

Tseng saw my smirk and nodded, grinning at me. He had done this on purpose. Guess he wants another double fudge cake a la mode then. It's good to know your superiors weaknesses after all.

I just grab my swearing redhead and exit the room. I have baking to do.

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''

"You're a bloody genius." Tseng looked up from his paperwork with an arched eyebrow. Since when did his co-superior compliment him? Oh, that's right…he got rid of his second biggest nuisance. So there was Sephiroth, standing in his door, complimenting him.

"I try, you know." he said, smirking a little. Sephiroth did his glide thing, entering the room and shutting the door with a little click.

"Zack's been pining, you know. He wants his friend back." He said with a grin to make even Shiva shiver convulsively. And Tseng knew then that he'd made his own devious matchmaker plans.

"All right, who's the one you're foisting Zack off on?" Tseng asked, smirking himself. He was getting cake later, he had every reason to be smug.

"Cloud. Little tird class with promise. And great big blue puppy dog eyes. Zacks almost head over heels. All he needs is a swift kick." Sephiroth said, settling on Tsengs desk.

"So…Superiors one, seconds zero?" Tseng asked lazily, leaning forward to drag the younger man down by his hair.

"More like two." Sephiroth purred, kissing him lazily. Tseng grinne back one he let him sit up.

"I'm free the rest of the day."

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''

I'm tired. Reno needed to shut up. Rude decided to break into my brain. And I want a nice long review for at least some little bit….'cause setting those six up was a fuckin' blast yo.

Love you all. FB's in the works.


	2. Chapter 2

Most people liked it when I kept my mouth shut. Couldn't say why but I know it's something to do with my language. Whoop-de-fuckin'-do. Tseng has me'n Jerkwad (that's Rude, for those who don't know) on some fuckin' asswater assignment out in fuckin' Mideel. Now Jerkwad 's good with small stuff, towns an' shit. Me, I prefer cities like Midgar, Kalm, or Junon. Small places like this make me 'twitchy and paranoid' if you listen to Jerkwad.

So, Asswater assignment. We're lookin' for this harp thing, so that the Soldiers can get into the Aincent Forrest. Place give me the heebie-jeebies in a bad way. Lots of old anger there, just sitting in the air and dirt and the motherfuckin trees. So, Harp. Moon. Something like that.

Have I mentioned yet that I'm yet again covered in mud, the really thick kind that's going to be a bitch to wash out of my hair? Yeah. ALWAYS with the mud.

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''

Reno's muttering to himself again. He doesn't realize he's doing it of course, and yes I know about his little nickname for me. Kind of fitting actually, since it was me who requested this one from the Board.

No, not the board of directors, the Open Board where Sephiroth and Tseng post optional, non-urgent missions. Digging up a Lunar Harp should be easy, right? I mean, if Avalanche has two, why can't we manage to get one?

Simple, really. Because Reno is useless when it comes to this stuff. Now don't get me wrong, he's an information gathering god, and pretty much half of Midgar is in his pocket. But when it comes to anything remotely country, or involving dirt or sky, he's useless and edgy. But hey, he's sexy when he's filthy.

Twitchy and paranoid. But he's good at whacking various monsters that try to eat us while we dig. And in hindsight, that's probably the only reason we survived this thing. He leveled up twice while I dug around, so when the Behemoth that jumped us coming out of the hollow, he was prepared.

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''

"oh fuck."

With that one expletive, Reno had summed up the entire mission. Standing between Rude, Reno, and the little hamlet of Mideel, was a ginormous, snarling behemoth. Sharp teeth clacked and a clawed appendage dug furrows in the ground.

And then Reno launched himself at the snarling beast. Rude less than a breath behind. And then the fight took on the dance like rythim both of them had perfected several months earlier.

Reno went high, Rude went low. The beast went down as the redheaded little whirlwind vented. Maybe it was actually a good thing that it showed up? Rude winced as the sound of zapping and curses filled the air as he neatly hog tied the thing.

Ker-ZAT! "that's for the fucking rain!" Ker-POP! "that's for ALL THE BLOODY FUCKING MUD!" Ker-ZAP! "and that's for being so fucking ugly it woulda made yer momma cry!" and the now done, delicious redheaded mess faced rude, still brandishing his EMR.

"And as for YOU mister high and oh-so-fucking-mighty, wipe that fucking little smirk off your face and get me to civilization! I have mud in every single orifice of my body and I'm pretty sure I'll still be scrubbing my hair next month!" he ranted to a smug Rude, who just cracked his neck and picked up the lunar harp again.

"Come on then." and Reno screamed a frustrated little scream as he marched after the swift form of his partner. And the bastard, for doing all the digging, didn't have even a speck of mud on him!

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''

"So, how was torturing the peons?" Tseng asked as Sephiroth came into his office for lunch. The man smirked at him, stealing one of Tsengs sushi bites. The brunette pouted at him as he spread more wasabi on a tuna roll.

"Delightful. Me and Kunsel have a running pool on who's going to snap first. My money's four-to-one on Rude jumping Reno in the fourth floor hall closet." he said pleasantly as he stole another roll. Tseng retaliated by snitching one of Sephiroth's favorite garlic croutons from his salad.

"mm. put me down for fifty on the sixteenth floor locker rooms. Reno's favorite shower is there." he said, winking as Sephiroth whipped out a notebook. Tseng knew that Sephiroth enjoyed a good gamble every now and then. He was quite good at it too, having one nearly fifty thousand of Cloud jumping Zack in the Soldier mess hall, after Zack stole his chocolate pudding.

It had been rather amusing watching Zack flail as Cloud kissed him. He /really/ wanted his pudding back.

"Any plans for next months board meeting we're not required to go to?" Tseng asked him as Sephiroth tucked the little pad away and chomp into his salad. The silver haired man chewed a minute then smirked.

"Nothing, actually. Why, have something planned?" e asked the other, and Tseng grinned, pulling out a brochure.

"New Wutaian-style spa on the south edge of Sector nine. Posh residences around. I booked two spots." he said to the man who now had little stars in his eyes as he looked it over. One of Sephiroths weaknesses was hot-rock massages and wasabi skin peels. Not to mention his complete infatuation with seeing Tseng laid out naked on a table.

"what are you doing to that tie?"

"wouldn't you like to know."

And Tseng never did finish his sushi, at least while his lunch hour was concerned.

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''

I actually like this format. And the idea of Sephiroth betting on his underlings kind of made me giggle. And the mud. Poor, poor Reno.

I actually didn't really intend to continue this, but someone said they liked how I wrote my favorite victims and I just had to do it. And if you wanna do it, Kitten, feel free! I'd like to see that. X3

I love mah reviewers! You guys make a good day great! And I do know I use too many exclamation points. I likes mah exclamation points!


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